Jesse Kessinger, who works in a mental health clinic for an alternative school in the public school system in Baltimore, MD wrote me recently: “I was reading your book Six Bind Elephants again last night, and today I had a mandated client come in, a young adolescent on probation who got into two fights. In one he broke a boy’s nose. I found that the thing that angers him the worst is when people badmouth his mother or his girlfriend. In the moments when others insult his mother or girlfriend he was focusing on how they disrespected them, and that he had to protect them. I asked him if he noticed how much he was disrespecting his mother and his girlfriend by jeopardizing their ability to see him when he was locked up, and jeopardizing his own future (they love him). When I applied his criteria to himself, he sat there for a while and said, ‘Oh my God, I have hurt them,’ and it was as if smoke was coming out of his ears. He continued to process for a good 10 minutes, making various comments along the lines of, ‘This flips everything,’ as he continued to expand the scope of his disrespect to himself. He later said, ‘It was so stupid what I did—like a little kid.’ He then went on to mention that there were many other fights, all related to protecting his mom/girlfriend.

There is still work to do with this young man, but boy was that powerful for him, and I wanted to thank you for your teaching and your book; this boy is surely benefiting from it. It was quite amazing to watch a simple, yet well-targeted reframe, using your scope and category material, have such a profound effect.”

FOLLOW-UP A WEEK LATER:

“The young man I told you about has had multiple times when people have tried to fight him (in the past he would have fought). He has ignored these people’s attempts at baiting him. In describing the incidents he repeatedly used criteria with long time frames. This is all from just the reframe–no other work other than encouraging him and complimenting him on making good choices. I made no other interventions because I wanted to see how far this one would go first. This kid now sees his old behavior as being childish and views folks who want to fight as silly. Wow. I wish they all worked like this. I’d help alot of delinquents retire from delinquency!”